(still 4th March – 5:10 pm)

Benca, mae!
Me, again.
I’m on the earlier train home today. There are so  many things in my mind, I had tons of work to do, but I just couldn’t focus…

It feels like I’ve got this thing stuck in my throat. It’s making my chest feel tight. All seems to be wrong, Mother. Every little thing seems out of place.
I’m stressed and impatient in work. I’m forgetful, I’m feeling weird things in my body, which I immediately think it’s cancer I’ve got and that I’m going to die soon, like you did.
I can’t leave Craig, Mother. I just can’t. Can you please ask God to let us (Craig and me) die together, in our sleep and long after we’ve had grandchildren, please? I always ask him that, but as they always say, a mother’s prayer is much stronger!
Mother, I’m very worried about the buying of our house. Craig is a bit stressed too. He phoned me this afternoon and told me that he’d spoken to a solicitor and that it’ll cost around £900 just to inspect it. We haven’t got this money.
Craig is viewing a two-bed flat tomorrow. I know we wanted a house, with a garden etc., but it’s been hard to find a nice one in a good area. This flat is in one of the best areas in Cardiff; minutes from a beautiful park and lake. There’s a lot of green around – the communal garden is huge, Mother! Perfect for doggies and children to play! J

However, there’s also the problem of the deposit. The money you’re going to give to us is still ‘blocked’ in the bank, so we don’t know when/if dad will be able to send it to us…

Anyway, you know me. You know how stressed I get with these things that are out of control for me. It’s just been hard.
Mother, I’m missing you. I’m missing you really bad… L
Today we got in the post a photobook that Craig and I had ordered. It’s ninety pages of photos of us, and of us with our families too. I can’t stop looking at the ones we’re together!
It hurts, Mother.
I need you.
Would you please ask God to let me dream about you?
I love you for all eternity.
Dani. <3 xxxxxxxxxxx


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