Amsterdam, 6th March 2013.

Benca, mae!
It’s been three weeks today you’re gone… L
And I was on a plane again today. To Amsterdam. This time with Craig. Trying to hide. Trying to run away from thinking about you, looking at your face in the photographs and remembering that you’re dead. Yeah… D-E-A-D. DEAD.
Today, on the plane, one more regret to add to my list: I didn’t know much about you. And I never told you much about me, either.
I don’t mean the deep, complex thing that every mother knows about her daughter. No, I mean the simple, little details. Those silly things that could have made us laugh together, for example: what things really get on your nerves?
On the plane, this morning, there was this guy sitting behind us. He wasn’t in his seat. There was a couple who were about to sit apart (terrible, I’d hate not being able to sit next to Craig and hold his hand when we travel!). The couple would be able to sit together if the man wasn’t there. He didn’t even know which seat he was supposed to be in! Excuse me! Look at your bloody ticket!, I’d say, your seat number is there! Aff!!!
Well, there. I hate it when people pretend they don’t know what they are supposed to know, and when they simply don’t read what’s right in front of their nose! Argh! This always happens in work, but I’ll tell you about that another time.
Ok. Amsterdam. I think you’d absolutely love it, Mother!
Well, where you are now you’re well, healthy and fit, so I think that walking wouldn’t be a problem, right? I say that because, Mother, Craig and I walked for Wales!
The city is beautiful, Mother. There are canals everywhere (I know you’re not a big fan of water and rivers and boats), but it’s very safe. The only dangerous thing here is the traffic, but only for tourists, hehe. There are cars, trams, buses, motorbikes and bikes. LOADS of bikes. All of them go through the same streets, but it’s very organised. Well, at least the locals are organised. We, tourists, had better always cross the streets at the traffic lights, or we may get run over!
The bikes and trams and cars come from nowhere, anywhere and everywhere!
This time we’re staying in a houseboat. I don’t think you’d like this bit (for obvious reasons), hehe, but it’s really nice and cosy. What’s better, our ‘dinning corner’ has views of the canal! It’s lovely here! J

Letters to my mother

I’m thinking about you all the time, and regretting badly all the time we had and used badly, and the time we didn’t have because I was living so far and am still a rebel child. I’m also thinking about the time we’ll never had… because now you’re DEAD. Hunf! =/

I love you forever, Mother.
<3 xxxxxxxxxxx


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